Why don't ducks tell jokes when

 they are flying?

Because they would quack up !

What do ghosts eat?

Spookgetti !

Did you hear about the police football team?

They won the cop final ! 

Why are ghosts bad at telling lies?

Because you can see right through them !

What is this - SGEG?

Scrambled eggs !

What did the duck say when it bought some lipstick?

I'll put it on my bill !

What is the longest word that is spelt with the letters from only the top row of the keyboard?

Typewriter !

Where does a dog go when he has lost his tale?

The retail store !

Why did the policeman stay in bed?

Because he was an undercover cop !

What do you get if you cross a skunk with a boomerang?

A bad smell you can't get rid of !

What do you call a teacher with earplugs in?

Anything you like.They can't hear you!

What does a shoe and a mouth have in common?

They both have tongues !

What two words can spell the same word backwards and forwards?

Level and Racecar !

What comes once in a minute, twice in a Millennium but never in a thousand years?

The letter M !

I got it in a forest, but didn't want it. Once I had it, I couldn't see it. The more I searched for it, the less I liked it. I took it home in my hand because I couldn't find it. What was it?

email your answer to staglaneweb@googlemail.com

What do you get if you cross an elephant

and a mouse?

Great big holes in your skirting board !

What do you call a sick crocodile?

An illigator !

Where does Tarzan buy his clothes ?

A jungle sale !

Why  did the nurse tip toe  past the medicine cupboard?

Because she didn't want to wake the sleeping pills !

What is a duck's favourite dance?

The quackstep

Where do cows go on a Sunday?

The moo-vies !

What has eight arms and tells the time? 

A clocktopus !

What is the essential feature on a witches computer?

The Spell-checker !

How does Jack Frost get to work?

By icicles !